Happily bigender

Wow. 2021, what a year.

This year I only got around to posting six entries. As I’ve said before, I just didn’t feel the need to have to. Now though, it’s time for a year in review.

As my past posts have indicated, I have found a wonderful balance in my life where I can express my female side at work while still fully enjoying my male side at home. 

Over the last year, of all my work days, I have only xM for 17 of them and a few of those where for education purposes. It’s to a point now that many members of the Wing only know me as Michelle or Ma’am being the default. With that being the case, I’ve let my hair grow with the last “trim” being on the 30th of June…I’m now very much overdue for a shaping trim…lol. A decision as to what style I’ll have next year will occurs in early January.

Throughout the year, I’ve conducted numerous Positive Space training events and recent briefings to entire units. I’m still receiving great positive feedback from these.

2021 was also a big birthday year; the big six ow…60! Yicks! I don’t look it, feel it, or act it and I don’t care. What it did mean was that I was due for compulsory retirement from the Canadian Armed Forces. 

There was a chance for an extension that was requested, but someone else applied for my position thereby cutting any hope for a longer stay beyond CRA 60 to only 111 days.

However, a very recent change in policy now allows for extension requests up to 5 years (so 65) and on the very same day I was informed I could apply (in another position), the member withdrew their name for my position, which now means I can apply for the full five years and remain in my current role! Yay! Now the waiting for official paperwork begins.

Now back to that 60th thing. I asked the family for no big deal and we had a very average day, with cake and a couple of presents the weekend before while all the kids where home.

I did do something for myself though; I got my ears pierced!

I had written my dear loving wife another letter for her to read that morning while I was at work. Later that day, we texted back and forth and I believe found a good understanding on both sides. She hasn’t said anything about my earrings and I don’t make any deal about them, just like my ever growing hair. I still respect her wish not to see or be involved with this part of me but she understands that it is indeed part of who I am. I can go visit friends (baring pandemic restrictions, ugh) and continue educating others about gender identity and expression. 

With the ability to express this part of myself at work, I don’t miss the chances that present themselves every once in a while at home. I do miss being able to get together with friends though. The next three weeks might be interesting. I’ll be off after the 17th Dec and not return until 10th Jan with probably little to no chance of xF. Strangely, I don’t anticipate any issues with my mental state, (but we’ll see) as I know I’ll be xF once returning to my office.

At the beginning of the year, I had pondered the question about which side was stronger. There was definitely a strong pull from the female side at that time. But I now believe that pull has weakened, so I’m not going “all the way” or anything like that, but rather a even pull from either side has me balanced and comfortable in my expressions.

So anyways, Season’s greetings and wishing everyone a happy, balanced, safe and healthy New Year.



  1. Jocelyn Johnson

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and pictures throughout the year. I very much enjoy both.

    I hope your extension comes through and you can continue your great work. The CAFs need people like you, now more than ever.

    Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


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