A nice routine but a wandering mind

88%.

That’s the percentage of work days I’m xF. Most of that time is in blouse and skirt (aka 3B), so much cooler than combats or flightsuit.

So that’s the update to “Update to going full-time Bigender”.

If you’ve been following me via the Flickr link on the side of my page, you will have seen that I’ve been quite busy and visible; flag raisings, haircut, attending change of command ceremony, Pride TGIF and casual Fridays. I just never got around to writing anything about them as I didn’t have a “need” to.

In the past, I’ve stated I’ve used this blog as an outlet, a place I could express this part of myself during those time that I physically couldn’t xF. That is still very much the case, except recently I’ve found it harder to concentrate at work due to a number of factors and so it’s time to put fingers to keyboard again.

Firstly, as a Reserve member of the CAF, closing in on the compulsory retirement age of *shudder* 60, even though I’m very able and willing to work longer, I’ve had a target on my back, meaning, anyone else could apply for my position (who has more than a year of service time remaining), and nullify any extension request I may have submitted. This is exactly what happened last month. However, the incoming member isn’t available until the end of March, so my extension request for two years (strongly supported by the Wing Commander) has been amended to six month to allow for a handover period. Well, at least that’s better than a kick in the pants.

I’m not ready to retire. So of course, that has been a bit of a distraction.

I’ve also found my mind wandering. The act of xF while at work is not a distraction, it’s part of my daily routine now and I’m very comfortable being me. What is causing a bit of consternation, are a bunch of “lesser” issues.

I’m letting my hair grow. During lockdowns/closures, that was simple to get away with, not so much now. I wouldn’t get any grief at work even while xM as its part of the total expression (and the Wing Chief knows…not an issue). I’m waiting for my wife to say something…that’s a bit stressful. And I really, really want to get my ears pierced. It’s something I’ve wanted since I was a teenager. Again, not an issue as far as work is concerned, it’s my wife’s reaction that I’m somewhat worried about. Then again, I say to myself, “this is for me. I haven’t done anything really for myself in decades. At my age I’ve earned it”. I anticipate she will be worried what other people may think. I know this shouldn’t be of concern to her, but…sigh. And they really are just little things, but mean so much to me.

The interesting scenario though with the above situations is, there are changes coming to the CAF Dress Regulations, to make them gender inclusive. We are hopeful it will be released this month and it’s anticipated to include a singular hair as well as jewelry policy. Ergo, there should be no need for my wife to have any concerns.

When others have the so called mid-life crisis, they go and buy a motorcycle or project car or whatever. I just want studs and style-able hair. Simple things, yet so meaningful to me.

2 Comments

  1. Richard Simmons

    Hi Michelle

    How lovely to read your missive today! It came just at the best time, on a hot day when my own struggle for self acceptance and expression was flagging. Do thank you so much!

    The pic of you, in uniform, hair and heels, is inspiring. I mean, you look wonderful. (I’m with you re the earrings and longer hair. They’d look fabulous on you!)

    Still searching for a good mtf friendly makeup coach/artist in NS. Any suggestions would be so very welcome!

    Thanks again for the inspiration!

    Kelly

  2. Jocelyn

    Michelle,
    I feel for you, and your desires. You look great with your current hair style and earrings will add sparkle to your face.
    But retirement, forced or voluntary, is great. Life is very different with new challenges to overcome. You can even find completely different work and xF 100% of the time. It can be an exciting time if you want it to be.
    But whatever happens to you, I’m sure you know there are lots of people who love and support you.
    You are very special; stay special.
    Jocelyn

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