And the FIRSTS continue!
Talking to a professional
So, my first talk with a professional was with the Base physiologist back in July. Though quite nervous of what may lay ahead, I really wanted to get started. Her first question was “why are you here?” To which I eventually got out “gender issues”. Her next question was “do you feel like you are a woman?”. The initial answer is NO…and then there is the BUT. I then explain everything I know about myself. I also mention I’m looking for a referral to see a couples councilor in order that I can communicate better with my wife. She agreed that that was a good idea but first she wanted me to talk to another physiologist on another Base in the area who’s specialty was gender issues.
After waiting a number of weeks with no news of an appointment, I happened to be chatting with Friend on Face book who has seen this person in the past and pass me the contact information I needed.
It was a few days later before I found some time to give the next physiologist a call. For 45 mins she listened to my story and asked a number of questions. In the end she stated “I’m not really sure there is much I can do for you at this point. You seem to know a lot about the subject and about yourself”. She stated that I wasn’t the only one in the Forces either. She summed up by saying “you’ve got your shit together”. I got the feeling that her gender issues field deals more with those with gender dysphoria or looking to transition, than with cross dressers. She did recommend the couples counselling and not to hesitate to contact her if I needed someone to talk to.
Due to a change in my work contract, I will now have to wait until at least December before I can pursue the couples counselling.
Fortunately I have never been a hairy individual, but it’s now over a year that I have body hair free! The longest time between leg shaves is between 7 and 10 days. I wore shorts/swim trunks with no don’t saying anything!
One beautiful day in July I was able to enjoy swimming in a bikini and lounging on the deck in a short sun dress. What a thrill. If I had more chances to do this I might, but there are always other priorities in my life.
Different yes, but still relevant. With just a few weeks before the start of school, we were asked if we could host an International student from Turkey as his host family had backed out at the last minute. As we had a spare bedroom, my wife had very quickly said yes. My suspicious mind immediately thought she had done this to restrict my dressing opportunities. Hopefully I’m just being paranoid.
October: Community coffee, a talk and dressing time
At the beginning of September my wife had mentioned that her dad had got four tickets to the Toronto at Ottawa NHL seasoned opener. She and the two oldest kids would be heading to the nations capital for a few days…(mind working, ideas aplenty).
All would depart on Tuesday, game Wednesday night, kids return on Thursday and my wife in Saturday after spending some time with her dad and step mom. Wednesday was also my last day of my current contract (actually worked Tuesday night/Wednesday morning). This would work out nicely for a couple days of dressing.
“Wait a minute. What about that international student?”
Well, as soon as I know of the conflict between my dressing plans and acquiring an IS, and the fact our high school gets out at 2pm, which would severely cut into my time, I know the only option was to tell him about my Michelle side. I spent the weeks leading up to the event gauging his attitude, likes, dislikes, etc, etc; he is a smart and knowledgeable, open minded, non-religious…overall someone I believed I could trust telling.
The Saturday before the gang left for Ottawa, I had to take our IS to the city to meet-up with one of his countrymen who was staying in another town some distance away. I also had to pick-up #1 and bring her home. On the hour and a half drive into the city, we had a good chat on a variety of topics…and then I brought up the subject. In the end he said “that is weird, but very interesting. Can you teach me more about the differences in men and women? I can use them for improv” (he is big into music, acting and improvisation). Again, an unexpected response, but positive is always good!
Community Coffee. I dropped the IS off at a mall with his friend and by luck, the timings worked out well, that I was able to drop in on the local trans* support groups pre-meeting community coffee time. The group alternates between transmen, transwomen, trans all, trans all plus. This was a transmen week but I was still able to meet a number of folks at the coffee time, probably spoke too much as I never did drink a coffee during that hour…oops, sorry. Even though I was in drab…still another first.
Ok, back to the action. As I had way too much stuff to do on Wednesday, I used any free time to prepare. The master plan was to do as much as possible enfemme for the next couple of days: Thursday pickup IS from drama practice, drop him at home, head to airport to get #1 and 2, drop 1 at apartment and then return home. Friday, take #4 to ballet practice after school, hang around town for a number of hours (go for a walk in a park, grab some groceries), then home.
As I wanted to look my best until later in the day, I didn’t shave my face until around noon both days. Thursday went to plan, skirt suit and heals was the choice of clothing as I hadn’t worn a skirt outside the house in years. The IS was waiting for me in the school parking lot, I drove up to him, he looked at me and started to walk away…It wasn’t until I call to him he clued in, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you…wow”. I didn’t get a chase to get out of the car at the airport as both 1 & 2 where waiting for me, but I did get out and give #1 a hug when I dropped her at her apartment. By the time I got home, including the almost 4 hour round trip to the airport/city, and the pre-travel dressing I’d done, I realized why my right foot was starting to hurt…I’d been wearing these heals for over 8 hours! (you guessed, another first!). However, after removing both shoes, wiggling my toes to get the circulation back, I was still able to slit them back on and walk again. They really are a comfortable pair of heals.
Friday…did not go as planned. #4 didn’t feel well after school and despite my best efforts to convince her otherwise, she was not going to attempt ballet. There I was, all dressed up (or dressed down in a casual look) and no please to go, well at least to kill the hours I was supposed to be waiting around for. My daughter knew I was disappointed and said “you know you can still go out”…but where? I had no real reason to drive the 30 minutes to that town, but I eventually drove 15 minutes in the opposite direction to smaller community and enjoyed a late day walk around the sports field track and a riverside park. At the track there was one elderly gentleman walking his dog away from me, but half way around, looking into the slowly setting sun, I could see someone else walking towards me. Turned out to be another woman, walking her dog. She greeted me with a big smile and very friendly “hello”. I returned the greeting and continued my walk. Although it wasn’t the grandiose outing I had hoped for, it was still none the less, a fantastically liberating feeling to be out and no one caring or noticing who or what I was.
Friday evening I changed outfits a couple of times, once the IS asked if I was going out somewhere. Unfortunately no other local friends where available…oh well. Towards the end of the evening, the IS and I engaged in quit the discussion on ideas as to what goes on in peoples brains, those of gays, trans*, fetal development, being some of the topics. It lasted well over an hour and a half. About half way through the discussion, the IS suddenly said “your voice has changed”. I had started off using my femme voice to maintain the total image I wanted to portray, but had had let it drop some, but not all the way back to male, while I focused on the conversation. It had landed somewhere in between, but was very comfortable and easily maintained but wasn’t my regular voice. I also noted that I had been standing in a feminine manor for the whole time and using my hands more while I talked. There would be “an echo” of this posture the next morning.
Back to drab on Saturday…standing in the hallway outside the dance studio my daughter was teaching at (teaches younger kids in the recreational program, I also happen to be the President of the Board of Directors…but that’s another story), talking to a number of parents, almost exclusively mothers, I caught myself standing with my weight on my right leg/hip and my left leg relaxed and bent inwards at the knee…I was also talking a lot with my hands…eeks (lol). Did anyone notice? I slowly backed up and sat on the table that happened to be behind me. Don’t think anyone cared.
These opportunities, though currently quite infrequent, are always enjoyable (despite any setbacks that may be encountered along the way). I do so hope I can get out socially more often in the future (I’ve probably said that many times before), but it will be a new year soon, and who knows what the future will hold. In the mean, time enjoy dressing when you can!
A YEAR WITH A NUMBER OF FIRSTS
I know its been quite a while since my last entry, but its been a interesting first half to the year.
Life in general has been busy. After starting one job, basically to fill my time, I eventually started my reserve force contract. Many new regulations and procedures to learn, along with numerous refreshers, but its good to be back working with many past co-workers.
February did present dressing opportunities. Nothing spectacular, just the regular jaunt through the closet, some pics etc. The nice weather (unlike last year) did present the opportunity for some outdoor photos.
I have mentioned in the past that I now do almost all of my dressing while my wife is out of the house, as I’m still struggling with the strange feeling of embarrassment dressing in front of her. So, it was with much anticipation I looked forward to my youngest daughters dance competition season, with one competition taking her and my wife to a city some distance away. That would be the Canadian May long weekend (actually Thursday to Sunday evening). Now my four kids know and don’t mind me dressing, but not my eldest daughter’s boyfriend, who, after both finished the university year in April, would be staying with us for the summer. This would definitely restrict my dressing during this time.. So it was great to hear that they both would be going with my wife and #4 for those four days. I had to work on the Thursday and Friday but would still have the rest of the weekend with only the two boys at home.
Thursday evening I used to ensure things would be ready so as not to waist any time when I got home on Friday. Wigs combed out, laundry done etc. As it was Friday of a long weekend (Monday Holiday) I left work just after lunch (as did most everyone else) and headed straight for the tub and shaved…the weekend had begun!
And what a weekend it was; Friday afternoon until late Sunday evening, all spent enfem. As I alluded to in the title, I was able to experience a number of firsts. Though the weather had been nice, our pool was not yet very warm, but that didn’t stop me from having my first full enfem swim. Something else I had always wanted to do was go on a bike ride. Saturday morning I set out with my wife’s old bike, but 15 mins into the ride, something wasn’t quite right with the front wheel. so I returned home hoping I didn’t get a flat tire. I changed over to my daughters bike and set off once more. An hour and a half later I completed my first ever enfem ride, down open country roads, through the nearest subdivision and home again.WOW, what a feeling. Along the way, numerous people in their front yards had seen me, and ignored me (lol), a couple of guys in trucks had craned their necks to get a better look (giggle) and I passed a number of other women (going in the opposite direction) who were jogging/walking, all of whom I had exchanged “good day”s and “Hi”s with. And not a single strange look.
Sunday afternoon I had been invited out for a late lunch by my very good GG friend Elizabeth (wife of Rachael) who I’ve mentioned before. I pointed out to them that it was our one year anniversary since we first met in person. We settled on a fairly local, small but popular diner, which wouldn’t be that busy in the afternoon. I decided to dress casual; leggings and zipper hoodie. When leaving the house, my ever so slight angst quickly disappeared and replaced by excitement. Even as I rounded a corner and encountered an RCMP check stop, I didn’t feel any panic, just “oh shit. Well….lets see what happens.” Side note: the car I was driving has an over due safety inspection. This is something the police where checking. So this is how the spot went: “do you have your drivers licence?” “yes I do but it’s a bit different from the way I look right now”, hand him my licence. “Where are you off to?” me with a limp wrist single finger waving point down the side road “to the Farmers Diner”. He hands me back my licence and says “have a good afternoon and drive safe”, me “thank you very much”. As I drive off I can see in my mirror the two officers come together still watching after me. I wonder what they where talking about? hehe. Was it my cleavage or batting eyes that distracted him from checking the safety sticker?
Lunch and the conversation where great. I put on my best womanly act, I’ve never taken that long to eat a bowl of soup while the other two ate their meals. The staff where very nice…””ready to order ladies?”, “how is everything ladies?”, “desert for you ladies?” When it can time to leave, we had to walk right past a large family seated in the middle of the diner next to the exit. Elizabeth was last out and said nobody took a second look at us, nobody noticed or cared! Another first.
A few weeks earlier I had worried that I may loose this opportunity as my wife had discussed sending #4 with someone else. So, as a back-up plan I had thought I might use the upcoming annual boys fishing trip as an alternate. Well I didn’t need it for that, but after ensuring it would be okay with the boys, I did pack an “alternate” bag along with all the regular fishing gear and guy clothes.
We had reserved a cabin for two nights, Saturday and Sunday, which would give us the better part of three days. At check-in I was told that we would be the only guests around Sunday night and Monday (other than the on-site cleaning staff) and we could use the canoe and cabin for as long as we needed on Monday! Saturday and Sunday morning where spent doing guy stuff, fishing, canoeing, more fishing, but come Sunday afternoon, presto-chango! I was able to do many enfem first time things; canoe, go for a hike on the woodland trails, fishing (no lady luck) and a spot of tennis. I thank my boys for allowing me this awesome opportunity, #3 even took some of the pictures.
In the past month, I’ve had the chance to meet another local CD! They had actually found me out through my blog. They wish to remain anonymous, but as we all know, just to be able to talk to another is such a great relief. We sat in a local park enjoying the beautiful weather and a coffee and chatted for almost two hours. A couple of guys talking work, families, etc, along with issues associated with being a CD’er. It is actually because of this new friendship I am about to take another first step, I will be talking to my base doctor for a referral to the counselor (to discuss “things”) that this new friend also visits.
I’m also going to try and remain clean shaven all year. I’ve already been out in shorts in guy mode to the store, chaired a meeting, hung around the house and nobody has said anything…even my wife has been silent. I just love the feeling and can’t imagine having hairy arms or legs ever again.
I’m at that point in my life (both age and mindset) where I say “who gives a damn what other people think” and as our Prime Minister has said “It’s 2016!”
Well ok, not quite with Jessica per say, but her male side.
I’ve chatted with Jessica many times online, but despite living only a couple kilometres apart, it’s been a tough task to arrange a meet up. Unable to dress enfem, we arranged to meet as a couple of guys at a coffee shop one town down the road. We grabbed our coffee, sat down and chatted. Now I’ve met guy mode Jessica once before, very very briefly and even worked in the same building a number of years back, but this was the first time we’ve ever talked. What I found really interesting about this meeting was, that for over half an hour we talked about many things; family, health, jobs, winemaking….a bunch of guy stuff, and found we had a far bit in common. But not a single word about our “interesting” activity until we were standing in the parking lot next to our cars and then that only lasted about 5 minutes. It reinforced the idea that we are really just regular guys! Just that, among other things, we have this unique interest in women’s clothes.
Jessica’s is very much in the closet but is able to dress when his wife is out of town on business. I don’t know if we will ever be able to co-ordinate a girls get-together, but there is always hope.
In the meantime I managed to dress for a couple of hours mid-November. December has so far been very busy and I don’t anticipate any girl time until January.
As it’s the beginning of the holiday season, I’ll take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Well if you have been here in the last couple of weeks, you may have noticed a discrepancy between what I had posted, ie. not getting a chance to dress in awhile, and the adjacent Flickr pics. This post will correct that.
I did actually find a few hours on the 27th of October to break-out some fem clothing and enjoy the feeling of a cool breeze over freshly shaven legs…sure felt good. Well, that`s it!
Well, ok, so I did change into a couple of outfits and take some pictures, but nothing earth shattering or very interesting happened….maybe next time.
Well hello everyone. Yes I know it’s been a while, so I thought I’d post something to let you know I’m well, though I’ve been in one of those “down time” periods. That is to say, I haven’t done any dressing, haven’t talk about it, not even looked much at any of my online pages. Generally, just haven’t had any interest in crossdressing whatsoever. So, that pretty much answers my question I asked myself at the beginning of the year, if I would dress more now that I am home and not working overseas….nope!
All that is starting to change as the seasons change. There is though one thing I have been able to continue to do all summer, that is keep my arms hair free, felt good and nobody has ever questioned it and my leg hair I kept trimmed. Again nothing said, not even from my wife.
And then there was today Sunday 4th Oct. My wife and the three oldest kids are spending the night over on the South Shore of Nova Scotia to celebrate her dad’s 75th birthday while he visits from Ottawa. I had to stay home as my youngest has a dance rehearsal late into the evening, but we will join the rest of the family first thing in the morning. That gave me a chance during the afternoon to practice some make-up application and quickly dress casually, leggings and low cut t-shirt. I then asked my daughter, who had only seen a couple of pics on my phone, if it would be ok for me to show her how I looked. She liked my look, wasn’t repulsed, said I could pass and that was it. I did say “I suppose I should go change before we go out to grab supper and take you to dance?” She just snorted and went back to her iPod. Of course I secretly wanted to do all that enfemme, but I knew my make-up wasn’t perfect and also I wouldn’t thrust something like that on her without first having discussed and planned on something like that.
One final though for this post; I’ve noticed a significant increase in the number of positive “news” items covering everything from crossdresser to trans women. Even this evening, while I type this blog as I wait in the van for my daughter, listening to CBC radio, there is a program on about a successful business man who’s alter ego happens to be a rock and roll drag queen.
I’m still hopeful I’ll be able to get out to any sort of get together, sometime. That’s it for now folks.
I’m still hopeful I’ll be able to get out to any sort of get together, sometime.
Over the last few months, I have been jogging along, head in the clouds, immersed in my own thoughts, only to have run headlong into an obstacle I should have seen coming.
This has forced me to STOP, take a few steps backward to look at what is in my way and also to reflect on what I was doing, where I was going and how I was getting there.
Now I could just ignore the fact there is an obstruction and run straight through it, but this action would cause certain harm to both myself and others. Best to study the problem and figure out a less drastic course of action on how to overcome this blockade. Maybe talk to others on how to maneuver around or through this “mine field”, or even co-operate with others to figure out the solution.
Once around this difficult section of the path, I will slow down. I have not been observant of what has been going on around me or even considered the destination I was running to. With a slower pace, it will be easier to stop and smell the roses along the way, being careful not to be too hasty and grab the stem for fear of being pricked and hurt. It will also allow time to consider options when approaching a fork in the road; no snap decision to be made. Look down the different paths to see what you might see. Oh, there will be some regrets after taking one route over the other, but there will always be something to see or do, no matter which path one decides to follow.
For me personally, I don’t really have a definitive destination, I would rather just enjoy the journey, but have to work at making it as smoother ride as possible.
has descended and obscured the bright rays of sun that were my new found understanding of self, what I am and what role crossdressing plays in my life.
It came about when I asked my wife if I could attend this months cd/tv club meeting in the city. Though she had said yes (reluctantly I guess) two months ago but weather stopped that from happening, this time it set of a bunch of fireworks. The first thing she said was “I suppose I can’t stop you” and then she brought up the issue of me having told the kids without having talked to her about it (some of you may know the story). I have apologized for this and know it is wrong, but I don’t think she will ever forgive me for it. I apologized again.
She did say that there is nothing wrong in principal with crossdressing , at home, with nobody around. However, some of the other things she did mention:
-That I’m only thinking of myself,
-that I didn’t consider how the kids would react and what domino effects might have on their mental well-being and that it may have played a role in #3s current issues (he is seeing a councillor for anxiety and dark thoughts, including cutting). What would have happened if one of them had told a friend and they had spread that around school (they have all said they wouldn’t do such a thing), to which my wife said “well of course they would say that”,
-that I’m putting myself ahead of others,
-that I obviously don’t respect women, ( but I do, but I can’t argue this point with her) because of the way I dress; high heels (2” max) and lots of makeup (kind of required as a guy trying to look like a woman) and that I start doing what I would consider “woman’s work” around the house (I find that strange as I will regularly clean the cats boxes, clean the bathrooms, vacuum, hand wash dishes in guy mode),
-what would happen and how would the kids feel if something happened to me if I was out in public, like something happening in the women’s restroom and it made the news (use of the washroom for the gender being expressed is actually protected under provincial legislation).
I guess I have to become a Jedi and think only of others and nothing of myself.
Only #3 was at home during this conversation and he was in his room, headphones on, listening to music. My wife thought that maybe the kids didn’t know that she know. I had told them not to talk about “it”, and this upset her in that the kids hadn’t said anything to her, to which I pointed out that this was a good thing, but she said we all should have talked about it together. When I offered to call a family meeting, it was outright rejected…this wasn’t the time to talk about it because #3 was at home…and especially that this was not a good time considering the tough time he was having.
I thought that maybe she of all people would understand how important it is for someone’s mental being to be able to talk about a situation. I said that if I can’t meet with likeminded people, maybe I should go see a professional, to which she said “maybe you should if that’s the way you are thinking”.
All of the advancements I have made, all the feelings of joy I have recently experience, have all been replace with a heavy heart and a massive amount of guilt. I don’t know how to express my feeling to her or how to explain things to her anymore for fear of outright rejection. The last thing I want to do is hurt my kids (again, they have all told me it is no big deal to them that I’m a crossdresser) or my dear wife.
I fear my crossdressing will now be severely curtailed. I don’t know how I will handle this mentally. I don’t know how I will be able to put the genie back in the bottle.
WOW! Well, where to start. So many thoughts spinning around in my head. It will take a bit to come down from this weekend’s high. Well, let’s get this post started….
I had hoped to report on my experiences attending a cd/tv meeting, but due to a conflicting family activity, I was unable to attend the one April. Instead I listened to my youngest daughter sing with her chore at a local competition. She knew I had planned on attending the meeting and afterwards had told me it was too bad I had had to miss it, because they only got a silver award (they have always received gold in the past) and that they hadn’t sung very well and I could have missed it, for what it was worth.
The BIG news I have, is that I have made contact and have met with another local CD’er!
It all started with some posts and messaging back and forth on Crossdressers.com, with the wife (Elizabeth) of this
Cd’er (Rachael) who was looking for advice for her husband and wondering if there were any other wives or Cd’ers in the Maritimes. There where then a series of emails and eventually a meeting was arranged.
This past weekend was the Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada. My weekend actually lasted Thu May 14 to Sun May 18 2015. My youngest daughter had a dance competition in a city 4 hrs away. My wife, eldest daughter and boyfriend, and the dancer herself, would be gone for 5 whole days. Elizabeth and I eventually agreed to meet late morning on Thursday at a local park that provided some safety in that it is public, but also offers some privacy at picnic tables so we could talk. The gang left early, soon after I had dropped #3 at the barn to go to a horse show, and #2 departed for school soon after. I did my best “dress to blend” by wearing black leggings, runners and borrowed my eldest daughters Bench jacket. I had thought I may be nervous, but I actually was feeling quit confident, to a degree. Well, we hit it off fantastically. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was having a blast being dresses out in public. I had brought with me some bags of used clothing to be dropped off at a local Salvation Army, and at Elizabeth’s insistence, (I was thinking of backing out) on the way home I stopped by the store and went in with the bags and left them at the back room (as I have done may times in guy mode). The store was not very busy, but nobody said or paid any attention to me….yes, felt very happy.
Now that the kids know, (and I have talked with them quite a bit, I even told them about the planned meeting with Elizabeth) and the opportunity was there, I decided I was going to stay dressed as long as possible, even with the two boys at home.
With the exception of a couple of “guy breaks” Thursday night to Friday morning (had to pick-up #3 when he got back to the barn and take him back early the next morning for day two), Saturday morning for some shopping and late Sunday to go for ice cream with the boys and pick-up something at Elizabeth’s and Rachael’s place, I spent the remaining time dressed enfem. The boys had no problem seeing me displaying this side of me. There was no change in their attitude or how they talked to me, I was still the same person, just presenting differently.
I worked around the yard all day Friday as Michelle and actually ended up with some redness (not sunburn though) on my legs all the way up to places that don’t normally see the sun as I was wearing a pair of short shorts. It was also during this time, that Elizabeth and Rachael where able to come visit me Saturday evening (again I made sure this was ok with the boys before planning such an event, they just went about their own business). This was the first time I got to meet Rachael and again, we had a great time. Talked a lot about pretty much everything, not just about crossdressing. I have no idea how long we talked, but we had to move inside as as the sun got low, the temperature started to drop and the bugs came out. The interesting thing is that we have some similar interests outside of the cd’ing thing. Hey, wouldn’t you know it, we are just average people…lol.
Some of the other activates I managed to do enfem during these fantastic four days was; taking a dip in the pool, biking in the driveway, mowed some of the lawn, and of course, took lots and lots of pictures, many of which are, or will be, posted on my flickr page.
Monday, despite being Victoria Day and the last day without the gang, I did not dress as there was just too much work to get done. Also, after having had 4 close shaves, 4 days in a row, I thought my face needed a break, though I was very surprised that it had not rebelled anytime during the weekend.
I came out of this weekend with a number of mixed feelings and yet more questions that I believe only I can answer (any input greatly appreciated). I noticed that the longer I was dressed, the more at ease I was. The typical thrill that I used to experience involved a degree of “physical” arousal. That has changed. It is more of a total body experience or feeling. I know others have mentioned the loss of arousal (possibly due to age or …?), but I found by day 4, I was very comfortable being fully dressed and fully engrossed in “crossplaying” the role of a woman. As you may know, when I dress, I have to be as womanly as possible, that includes tucking and padding. I was feeling very good about not have certain parts visible. I felt different, comfortable even when I sat, walked, lay down. It felt nice to not have “it” in the way. That being said, I still very much enjoy being a guy, just that, I also enjoy appearing as a woman from time to time. I know something has changed in my thinking and/or perception of myself. I just can’t put my finger on it. Not yet.
And for those wondering…no, I haven’t told my wife about meeting Elizabeth or Rachael….gasp….I know, I know, that’s not good of me. I should have learned my lesson from the last incident.
In the meantime, I’m again hoping to get to this month’s club meeting…..hopefully.
Sorry if I got rambling a bit, I just let it flow out of me.
Stay tuned folks.
That is what us snow weary Maritimers are wondering. (Canadian Maritimes consists of the provinces of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, end geography lesson). In my part of Nova Scotia, we have received over 400cm of snow this winter, and now, Easter weekend we are expecting another 5cm or more!! Most of the snow is usually gone by now….not this year. L
So enough of the gloominess, on to better things.
At the beginning of March, with some spending money in my pocket and some spare time to kill on Friday th 6th, I walked into Payless shoes in New Minus and bought myself some new heels. I had previously been there the week before at the same time and saw that it was very quiet at that time of the early evening. When I entered I noted the two female employees and that I was the only customer. One lady asked if she could help and I replied “just looking”. About two or three minutes later, as I was standing looking at women’s shoes, she asked again if there was any particular size I was looking for….and I just went for it. “Hope not to freak you out or anything, but I’m looking for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve bought heals and I don’t know my size exactly, I have worn 9, 9 ½, 9 wide….” And without hesitation she says, “well, it all depends on the brand. Are you looking for round or pointed toe?” She was exceptionally nice, very helpful and I got what I was looking for. Tried on a couple of different sizes….yes, I’m in drab…lol, must have looked a bit strange. I said “you probably don’t have many guys buying shoes for themselves…haha” and she say “well there is this one guy we are pretty sure is, strange that his wife has exactly the same size feet as him and he’s never brought anything back, lol”. At the sales counter she said if there were any problems with them I could return them at any time and that they may stretch some. After having worn them at thome for about an hour and a half, I realized they were indeed a bit too big (size 10), and went back to the store the following week and exchanged them for a 9 ½. Different sales girl, very quick and simple exchange. All in all, a great place to shop, great experience.
On the 10th of March opportunity presented itself to dress, so I took it. It was during the obligatory photo shoot that I decided to try taking a video and practice my speaking. Originally I intended this to be only for myself, but eventually decided that I would post it on my flickr page. My very first video!
A small breakthrough of sorts
Well, on the 20th, I talked to my wife and got the OK to attend this month local (relatively speaking) CD/TV club meeting on the 25th in the city. It was a bit awkward. I asked her what she thought the chances where of me being able to get together with some like minded individuals. She asked where and wanted to know why this was coming up now. I told her it’s been with me for years but only now can I act on these……feelings, thoughts (urges even?). I can’t really explain them or know what to call them. I had mixed feelings then….excited but also apprehension as to how she is taking this. She was silent for a bit and then said “do whatever”, which we all know can mean a number of things. She didn’t ask how I would be dressed or when I would be leaving the house, I’d planned to just roll with that when the day came. I had already told the kids they may have to remain on their rooms while I get ready and depart, as I didn’t think their mom would want them to see me. The kids, by the way, are ok with this.
However, Mother Nature had other plans and us poor Nova Scotians got dumped on again! Second storm in three days, on top of the multitude of Nor’easter we have endured this winter, so no trip into the city. The next one is now scheduled for the 28th. I will, in the next couple of weeks, be asking again, as I don’t just want to do something that might really upset her.
Wow, another chance to dress
This time, after having watch my daughter dance at a local dance competition, I found myself alone at home on the 28th. The boys where out at their girlfriends houses and my wife and dancing daughter still in the city at the competition. I came across some dance outfits from the previous year and just had to try them on. These things are stretchy and my daughter is now only a few inches shorter than me….love the look and fit
On the morning of the 29th, I stepped on the bathroom scales and could hardly believe what I saw…..149.8 lbs! First time I’ve weighed less than 150 in over a dozen years (historically been 160 to 165). Sorry if I offend anybody with this next statement, but I am not on any weight loss diet and hardly exercise. This was mostly due to eating less now that I’m home and not eating three hot prepared meals a day (when I was working overseas). What other way to celebrate than to dress and take some pictures of course! However, due to time constraints, I did a few things I don’t normally do, ie. no make-up, no wig and just took selfies in the mirror
And yet again
For April First, I dressed again. This time, after breakfast, I just went upstairs, applied make-up (I’d shaved earlier), dressed and came down for coffee with my wife. I had on an old summer dress, dug out of the back of the closet and said to her “this makes me look like I should be going to a womens church group meeting”, to which she replied, “yes, but why would you even want to wear that old thing, it has to go”. I went and changed into something a bit more casual to do a fer chores and she didn’t say much at all reference the way I was dresses (another small breakthrough maybe, plus I didn’t feel so awkward in front to her). I also did some exercise consisting of stretches and abdominal work.
I don’t know when the next dressing opportunity will be but wow, what an awesome few weeks I had.
‘Til next time.
Nothing earth shattering this entry, sorry folks.
My return home, Christmas and New Years have passed.
I have started to work on the “to do” list while I have this spare time on my hands. That and the many family activities over the holidays along with no real desire to crossdress, had kept my girl clothes in the closet/box…. until recently.
As I said last time, my wife had stated that I didn’t need to ask when I wanted to dress. So I put that to the test last week.
After all the kids where off to school and breakfast cleaned up, I disappeared into the bathroom and “got ready”. My wife may have suspected something as I was gone for an extended time, plus the water running while I shaved. When I can down stair, before she saw me I did state “I’ve dressed casual for the day, hope you don’t mind?” I came around the corner and she just gave me a casual glance and went about her business.
I did a number of my own tasks around the house before returning upstairs and going through my closet to find out what still fit me and what needed to go. To my surprise, since returning home I have lost weight and inches around my waist (not faced with three steam line meals a day and desert…lol). Clothes fit much better! I partook in the obligatory photo shoot to update my album, but there was a slight camera malfunction so only some turned out well enough to post over on my flickr page.
I did ask my wife which looked better, the long blond or the shorter brunette wig. I stated that I thought the blond made me look older and she agreed. It may not look it in photos, but in person or the mirror, it really does, so I’ll be sticking with the darker hair.