Imposter syndrome
noun: imposter syndrome
The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”people suffering from impostor syndrome may be at increased risk of anxiety” – Oxford dictionary.
Beyond the dictionary meaning, for many it makes us ask “am I a fraud or a fake?” Or “am I good enough, am I (fill in the blank) enough to be considered one of the (specific group)?”
For those of us in the 2SLGBTQI+ community, imposter syndrome can manifest itself in many ways and at any time. During our life journey to understand ourselves, we have overcome many hurdles and have felt proud of our accomplishments.
If you have read any of my past posts, you will most definitely have an insight as to how my life and understanding of my gender identity has evolved. I enjoy being me!
Recently though I have had a bout of imposter syndrome.
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being part of the bases women’s soccer team; participating in practices, subbing in when needed in a couple games and finally playing a full game, the last of the season for our local league. The team now goes on to play Military Regionals agains two other Base teams. There can only be 17 players sent. A couple players had to be cut from those available. I already had plans that week so was not available, but it got me to thinking.
I don’t like upsetting anyone, or making them feel uncomfortable. I haven’t encountered any negativity from anyone at work, on the team or competitors. But thinking about Regionals, and I had been available, I got a hit of imposter syndrome. This tournament is for the women of the Forces; would I be welcome, accepted…am I woman enough to be with them?
I have the right to play on the sports team that aligns with my gender identity, but that doesn’t always mean I should. But…
I would have felt bad if I had taken another’s place (limited numbers), but not if there were just enough.
One nice thing that did occur this past week was that one of the women (spouse of a past coworker) said she would have roomed with me (as it’s shared accommodation) having no issue with who I am. 🙂
Yeh, so… believe it or not, even those who seem to be cruising along quite nicely can still encounter bumps or pot-holes along the way; imposter syndrome being one of them.
Michelle
- Posted in: Thoughts.
- Tagged: bigender, dualgender, gender expression, gender identity, gneder identity, transgender
themichelleinme 
Imposter syndrome cuts all the way through. Even before you come to terms with who you are, I suspect I’m not the only one who suffered from this all the time during childhood and as an adult, feeling uncomfortable, not belonging and out of place as a male and in male company. And then when you do accept who you are you can experience the same thing as the flip side of the same coin. Just how accepted am I in my preferred gender? Am I ‘trans enough’ if I don’t want to/can’t live full time, or pursue hormone treatment or surgery? Forever feeling on the outside.