Thoughts on changes

I’ve mentioned some of these in the past, but it’s time to update a few of my thoughts.

On expression.

It’s been three years since I decided I could express my feminine self safely at work and quickly went from one or two days a week to full time during work hours and any activities associated with work.

On labels.

I’ll not debate the good and/or bad of labels, but what I’ve used has changed; crossdresser, something more than a crossdresser, gender fluid (nah), bigender (hey that’s me), bigender/transgender woman (more applicable), transgender woman with bigender tendencies (currently happy with this).

On social media.

As with so many, I used to enjoy having photo sessions, rapid changes of outfits, posting pics on several sights and in different groups, excited to see the number of likes increase. That’s changed. I’ve started to delete groups and plan on cleaning out photos. When I meet friends, photos aren’t a priority, being with friends is.

On being visible.

Well it goes without saying that being full time at work, I’m visible. But I’ve become more so this last year by joining the women’s soccer team, then the hockey team (though we didn’t have enough commitment for a team for regionals, we still scrimmage and practice once a week).

On taking on challenges.

Almost all of my life I’ve aimed to be middle of the road, not at the bottom and not standing out. But once I started to understand who I was, I’m now challenging myself to new and exciting activities. In a couple weeks, the Wing will have its annual Winter Carnival. Many activities and events will be held with eight units vying for top points. I signed up for my units hockey team (one of only a couple women from any team) and for the Ice Capades. Overall theme is “Decades”, celebrating the RCAFs 100th anniversary. We are the 70s and will be skating to three types of music. Myself and one other will be doing disco! My Amazon order for a women’s outfit arrives mid week. I would have considered this as being way out of my comfort zone a few years ago. I’m now very excited, can’t wait!

On progressing.

This is the big one; kind of goes with labels. Felt fortunate I never had a heavy beard but always hated facial hair, got some laser, now moving on to electrolysis. I read the WPATH SOC 8, sections resonate with me. Mind wanders. Hours of thought. Instability in world affairs. You know what? I want to live the rest of my life as best I can, being the best version of myself, and that just happens to be female. Base hospital nurse practitioner engaged, blood samples taken, research done, awaiting results and (hopefully) a prescription I can take to the pharmacy that will start my next steps to a happy me.

Stay tuned for updates.

Michelle

• Posted in: The Early Years