It’s been awhile

Nothing earth shattering this entry, sorry folks.

My return home, Christmas and New Years have passed.

I have started to work on the “to do” list while I have this spare time on my hands. That and the many family activities over the holidays along with no real desire to crossdress, had kept my girl clothes in the closet/box…. until recently.

As I said last time, my wife had stated that I didn’t need to ask when I wanted to dress. So I put that to the test last week.

After all the kids where off to school and breakfast cleaned up, I disappeared into the bathroom and “got ready”. My wife may have suspected something as I was gone for an extended time, plus the water running while I shaved. When I can down stair, before she saw me I did state “I’ve dressed casual for the day, hope you don’t mind?” I came around the corner and she just gave me a casual glance and went about her business.

I did a number of my own tasks around the house before returning upstairs and going through my closet to find out what still fit me and what needed to go. To my surprise, since returning home I have lost weight and inches around my waist (not faced with three steam line meals a day and desert…lol). Clothes fit much better! I partook in the obligatory photo shoot to update my album, but there was a slight camera malfunction so only some turned out well enough to post over on my flickr page.

I did ask my wife which looked better, the long blond or the shorter brunette wig. I stated that I thought the blond made me look older and she agreed. It may not look it in photos, but in person or the mirror, it really does, so I’ll be sticking with the darker hair.

M.

The Past and The Future: Reflections on a job finished and questions for my CD’ing future

With the pending third anniversary of my blog (I can’t believe how fast the last year has gone by), I find myself overcome with mixed emotions.  None of them having to do with crossdressing. Instead, they deal with the fact that within hours of this posting, I will be departing the location that has been my place of employment since July 2009. It will be such a relief to be home and not have to travel back and forth four or five times a year. It will be even nicer to be home with the family for Christmas this year! But at the same time, I will find myself looking for a new job, though I plan on having some down time before working again (something my wife insists I do).

I am the last of my company to remain. I spent a good part of today walking around the area and reminiscing, oh how things have changed since I first stepped foot here back on 02 July 2009.

I know for a fact, that what we (the company and all my co-workers) have done, the services we have provided to a couple of coalition countries over the years, has indeed saved lives. For this I am thankful. However, with billions of dollars spend on this “action” and the many lives lost both coalition and local civilian, I am left with a hollow feeling and a question. Has it been worth it? I reserve judgment and believe only time will tell.

Now that the heavy thoughts have been dispensed with, back to something lighter.

As I have said in the past, this job has offered me the opportunity of spare time in which I have been able to explore the internet, read and write about crossdressing and have come to understand what role it plays in my life. As I have been away from home for 2/3 of the year, opportunity to dress has been limited. Now, as I return home, I face a new situation. Time on my hands. Will I want or need to dress more often? How will the revelation that I told the kids about my crossdressing (see previous post) effect the opportunities? I know that I wouldn’t be spending nearly as must time online as I have these past years, but I still hope to be able to add something once in a while.

I will now take this opportunity to wish everybody a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Michelle

I talked to the kids

The following is a compilation of something I posted elsewhere on the web, but thought I’d still include it on my blog for records sake.

With reference to my latest self-revelation and new found acceptance that I am a crossdresser and therefore indeed transgender, I had decided it was time to have a talk to the family.

Having recently returned home for some time off from my overseas employment, and with my pending birthday approaching, I decided the time was right to talk to my four kids (18 girl, 17 boy, 14 boy, 13 girl) individually. I still have to talk to my wife as I really don’t know she feels anymore about my hobby. I had a very similar talk with all four kids allowing them to ask any questions they had. Anyway, #2 was the first I approached while driving around town. Background info, #1 and #2 had accidently found out about Michelle about 6 years ago, when my wife and #’s 3 and 4 where out of town, they had had a movie night and I thought they were asleep. I was about 130am and they “found me”.

#2 remembered the incident but had no problem with it, thought the pics I showed him looked good. Next was #3, then #1 and finally #4. I knew my youngest would not have a problem as for the last few years she has had a male dance instructor who just happens to be gay, so she has had some exposure to those with a slightly different take on life.

The biggest surprise response I got from the conversations was from both #3 and 4, “you have a blog?!” That apparently was a bigger surprise to them than the fact I liked to wear women’s clothes..lol.

#1 had sat listening intently, eventually revealing at the end of my speech, after I asked her if she had any questions, she says “I actually have a friend (at university) who is transgender (MtF). Wow! I was surprised and happy for my daughter, the fact she has the opportunity to have such a diverse group of friends.

All four have seen a few pic of me dressed that I had on my iPod. All of them had no apparent problem with it. “To each their own” was the general consensus. I feel so much better not having to hide this part of me from them. No more worries of one of them accidentally finding something of “mine”. They don’t think any less of me as a dad or a man. I love them as much as they love me. I guess my wife and I must have raised them correctly. Now for that talk with my wife…….

And now, the rest of the story.

So shortly after having posted “I talked to the kids”, I experienced an emotional crash, coming down off that personal “high” of self-acceptance. I began to doubt weather I had done the right thing, even before reading the dire warnings from others that I was probably wrong not to have talked to my wife first. Oh how right they were.

It had been a little over a week since I had talked with the last of the kids and I really wanted to dress before heading back overseas. I asked my wife if it was ok and her response was “you know you don’t have to ask”, to which I responded that I felt I should and that I still felt somewhat embarrassed to do it in front of her. I also said that I wanted to talk to her about my dressing and she responded “these nothing really to talk about”.

I got dressed in a grey skirt and burgundy/black jacket and sat down at the kitchen table, again stating I wanted to talk to her.  With reference to the being embarrassed in front of her, my wife stated something along the lines that that was something I had to come to terms with and accept and that she didn’t really get the whole dressing as a woman thing, but whatever. This led directly into me telling her that over the last three years, during my spare time overseas, I had done a lot of reading online about crossdressers and crossdressing and that I had established a presence on the web, even writing a blog and that I had come to understand myself better. But not to worry, nothing had actually changed with me (with this she agreed).  All this time or course, the fact I had told the kids without first discussing it with her, was gnawing away inside me. I just had to let it spill out “the kids know”. “What! They don’t? Do they?”, “Yes”, “without talking to me about it? I thought we had an understanding we would not tell them, at least not yet?!” I felt absolutely horrible. I had betrayed her trust. Her fear was that we shouldn’t burden them with such a “secret”, that the youngest might let something slip, how would the boys take it. I told her all four kids where understanding and related their responses to my talk with them. I felt like crap. I retreated to the bathroom, undressed, showered and cried.

I didn’t come back downstairs for almost 45 mins. My wife was still pissed but said that she had expected something like this to eventually happen, just not now, not yet. I apologized profusely and told her I was wrong to have done it. I asked her if she wanted to talk to the kids, no she did not (but over the next couple of days I did reaffirm with them, their feelings and the sensitivity of the subject and that it wasn’t something we normally talk about with others, that their mother know and had been very pissed off with me).

The frost hung heavy in the house that day, but a thaw had occurred by the next morning and what is done, is done.

Lesson learned and hopefully passed on to anyone else in this situation.

The next time I dress (probably January now), I’ll still say something like “I’m off to get changed”, just to give her a heads-up and see how that goes.

An admission and a rethink on labels

A rapid update to my last post.

Ok, ok already. Enough!

As I said in my last post, I thought I had things straight in my head. Well not so quick there boy-oh.

As I read new posts on varying threads over the last number of days, I have found myself going back and forth on a number of issues. I found myself agreeing with one writer, and then agreeing with the next writer who had a slightly different take on the subject. Then agreeing with yet another who saw things differently. Why was I being so indecisive? I obviously still possessed some internal strife, and even though I have written twice before that I thought I had found myself in a nice cosy self-understanding, that is obviously not the case.

Admission to self

*(I know there is no such thing as normal, but you know what I mean)

“I’m just a normal guy who…”

Well, after a lot of thinking and talking to myself while on the treadmill, I now have to admit, I am not a normal guy. I have to acknowledge and affirm that I am transgender.  When one has thoughts like “that’s a nice dress. Wonder how I would look in it?” that’s not a “normal guy” thought. When I want to rid my body of hair so I can wear a sleeveless dress and enjoy the feel of pantyhose of bare skin…that’s not what a “normal guy” would do. I LOVE beer, chips and chocolate, “normal guy” stuff. But when thoughts like, “I need to pass on that delectable looking chocolate cheese cake because I don’t want to ruin all the work I have done to trim down to look good in that new skirt and blouse”, that’s not a “normal guy” thought. Would a “normal” guy push his chest muscles/flesh together to see what kind of cleavage could be achieved or when the office is empty, pull out a nail file and take care of a slight chipped nail so that they will look good next time nail polish is applied to them? I don’t think so.

I have previously stated, there is “no girl trying to get out” or a “second self”, but then, why do I have these “girly” thoughts. And why, when I dress, do I have this need to portray a womanly image? There is obviously a small portion of my brain that is “female”. Any of these thoughts or activities put my firmly in the transgender category. And because I sometimes dress in the clothing commonly associated with the opposite sex, I am indeed a crossdresser.

Labels. I’m a ______.

No one should feel pressured to label themselves and nobody should force a label onto those who don’t want one, but labels may not be all bad.

So I’ve come full circle and have re-applied labels to myself and I now believe that labels are quite useful. They let those with whom you are conversing know from what objective point you are talking. Obviously though, we have many different labels that we apply to ourselves every day, depending on our surroundings. If I’m at work, the label I am tagged with is “Site Manager”. When with a group of aviation personnel, the label is “Pilot”. If I wandered through a mall and came across a display from a local Model Railroad club, I would tag myself as a “model railroader”. So obviously, in this forum, I bear the labels Transgender /Crossdresser.

Summery

I will stick with the attitude that I will not waste energy or time in search of an answer as to why I do what I do.

Even though for a long time I have identified myself as being a heterosexual crossdresser and as such, belong under the umbrella term of transgender, I have obviously been scared to admit that I am also actually transgender. It still feels a bit strange to type that and re-read it, but it does feel like a weight has been listed off my chest.

Let’s see how long it takes before I change my mind…again…lol.

Michelle.

October 2014: An update.

Well folks, sorry it’s been a while since I last posted anything, I’ve been busy with life in general. Family time during the summer, unexpected extension to overseas employment and generally, not too much interest in things involving crossdressing. That is until a couple of days ago.

I got caught up following and contributing to a couple of threads on Crossdressers.com. One in particular got me re-thinking a number of issues that I have previously blogged about. I don’t intend on going back and editing any of my older posts, as they show how I’ve change my understanding of the issues and of myself. So please bare that in mind if you are reading this first.

After some 50 posts in response to a thread “Not trans? Huh? I don’t get it” this was my contribution…

I have never follow a whole thread before, but this one has me intrigued. And, as others have said, just when I thought I had things figured out….. I am though taking a number of points away from this discussion.

Firstly, I will endeavor not to use the term trans or trans*. It will be the full word so as not to leave any question as to what I am talking about. Secondly, why do we need to use labels? Is it something we do for ourselves or for others in an attempt to answer the question “why do we do what we do”? A justification?

I agree with Jennifer and Tinkerbell on the majority of what they have said. When I have the opportunity to dress, I am still a male through and through, I’m still a husband, a dad. There is no girl trying to get out, but for whatever reason, I sometimes want to portray a woman and be seen as one. I have taken a page from Isha’s book and will not waist time anymore seeking the answer to “why?”.

If someone were to ask me again if I considered myself “trans or trans*”, I would now say “I’m just an average guy (well, maybe not that average) who, every once in a while, just happens to enjoy dressing and (hopefully) passing as a woman. As such, that makes me a crossdresser. Crossdressing happens to be just one of many aspects of the transgender spectrum, which in its self, is contained within the LGBT community.”  Not exactly an answer to a simple question, but rather a long winded statement (but a concise one) to describe this small part of my being.

Well, up until now I’ve really only been a lurker, I mean a reader of these threads, but for some reason, I now feel I have to contribute. Maybe just another point in my maturing,

As I said, I am going to try and not use short forms of words or even abbreviations for clarity of understanding. I will no longer pursue an answer as to why I crossdress. As I’ve stated in a recent post, I am me, this is just part on me, and I’ll enjoy that part of me when I can. No questions asked. To miss-quote a small green alien from a galaxy far far away “Do or do not. There is no why”.

So, heading home for a few weeks off in November and then I’ll be back home just before Christmas after shutting down operations and joining the mass exodus from this….place. I may be unemployed, but at least I’ll be home.

Thanks for stopping by.

Michelle.

Trans vs Trans*

Preamble

After a recent post on my “Michelle” Facebook page, in which I included a picture of my homemade wrist band

IMG_0731plus in the colours of the Canadian Transgender flag (my little way of showing my support to the community), I was asked by a FB friend if I considered myself trans.

Well, this was a fairly timely question as I had been thinking recently about the term transgender and how it is being used.

Over the last number of months I have continued to search for local resources that could be of assistance to crossdressers (and their spouces/families) in Nova Scotia. What I have found is that groups often offer services and help to, or are championing the cause of the “trans community”.

There are not that many organizations or groups on the Canadian east coast, but I do know of one, NSRAP, who have indeed done wonders for the promotion of equality.

Now I may be being a bit oversensitive here, but when I read through all the great things that have been accomplished over the years or the help programmes that are offered, I don’t get the feeling that there is anything that I, as a hetero crossdresser, could find useful. This saddens me, but again, rightly or wrongly, my perception is that crossdressers are not really part of this group, part of the “trans community”. This could actually be of our (cd’ers) own making, as, unlike those who have been brave enough and have been able to express themselves openly, becoming visible to the greater masses and have become far more accepted in the public realm, crossdressers and crossdressing are/is still very much frowned upon by society and for the most part still hidden in the proverbial closet.

 Terms; use and interpretation of.

Now, getting back to the question of “if I consider myself trans”.

I had briefly touch upon the subject of cd’ers belonging under the umbrella term transgender back in November 2012, but at that time had not considered the shortened form, trans.

Although the term transgender is supposed to be an all-inclusive term (the wiki site has a good page on the definition), there is still a vast majority of people who are not familiar with all the differing categories and terms fall under the term transgender. Maybe over time and with some education things will change. But in the meantime, I fear that, thanks to mass media and the internet, transgender, is becoming synonymous or confused with transsexual. Think for a moment of any media coverage from The View to some trashy tabloid, the “news” item (I use the term news loosely these days) is more often than not dealing with transsexual issues. So too, the term trans, I feared was being hijacked and used incorrectly.

Then while searching the internet for other peoples take on the word trans, I came across a great post on the website “It’s pronounced Metrosexual”.

Although it is a post from mid 2012, I had never before seen any reference to the use of the * asterisk. I think it is a great way to reclaim the inclusivity of the word transgender in its shortened form. If you haven’t clicked the link and read the post yet, in a nutshell ”trans is best applied to trans men and trans women, while trans* makes special note in an effort to include all non-cisgender gender identities, including transgender, transsexual, transvestite, genderqueer,” etc. Now, we just need to get the rest of the world to use these two words correctly

So, no, I don’t consider myself Trans. I consider myself Trans*.

Here is also the link to an excellent comprehensive list of terms and definitions and a beautiful simple diagram “The Gingerbread Person” that I would hope anybody could understand.

M.

 

I am Me

I have just recently read an older post by Jess that made me stop and think. It was entitled “Not Him and Not Her, Just Me”. Have a read if you haven’t already.

After reading the post, I re-read all my posts and found I was following a similar pattern as so many other crossdressers, referring to myself as Michelle for the times when I’m dressed, thereby separating that part of me from my male self. But, I have to agree with Jess, I don’t really have “him and her” selves residing in the same body.

When I transform myself from the look of an everyday guy to that of a woman, it is all exterior decorating. Change the hair, change the face with makeup, change the texture of the skin by shaving and change the overall look by donning clothes that a woman would wear. My thoughts don’t change, my personal views don’t change, the things I love and hate don’t change. The only reason I would change my mannerisms, again an external manifestation, is so that they match the image I am portraying. My overall intent when I dress is to look like and to emulate a woman to the best of my ability (aka Crossacting see Alexis’ blog). This has always been my goal when dressing from as far back as I can remember.

I have no desire to start watching women’s shows or reading women’s magazines. I don’t have an urge to hang flowery drapes or “gurly up” the furniture or whatever. I believe that despite there being no “girl trying to get out”, I have been following the example of so many others when they write about themselves. I believed that this was the way it must be done. I thought I was following some sort of unwritten rule.

I refer to “Michelle’s things”. No, they are mine. I say things like “let her out of her box”. There’s nobody in there.

Jess’s post also made me think of how I spend my time dressed. Most of my dressing sessions last but for a few hours, normally alone. I don’t talk to anybody, well maybe the dog. I only have time to think of what I want to wear in the next picture and where to take it and “oh, how much time do I have left”. The few times I have been out with a crowed (years ago) I was a guy dressed like a girl and doing a really good job. The other couple of times I was driving or the once out with my wife, I was still me. I reflect back on my last outing, in Jan 2013 and can still remember how I felt. Yep, I was me, out, passing as best as I could as a woman. It wasn’t someone else, some woman called Michelle, it was me. Take a moment and look back over the last few sentences….I, me, my.

I wonder if this is also why I said I felt like an outsider in my March 22 2013 post as so many others who post talk about the “woman inside” etc. And having re-read the part under “Femininus” and can see I was struggling with the “her and me” dilemma. But I didn’t express myself clearly enough. In fact it is only now that I have become enlightened.

I’ll still use the name Michelle as a pen name and for the fact it fits the feminine image I create. My writing wouldn’t;t change either as it has always been me writing this stuff.

I still don’t know why I do what I do (this crazy, enjoyable thing called crossdressing), but with every little discovery, I’m understanding myself more.

I am me!

 

_____________ (insert name here…lol)

Fun times with some disappointments

First off, sorry if the title leads you into believing I’m going to talk about some fun times I had while crossdressed.  After all, that is what the blog is about. Right? Well most of the time it is and I will get around to touching upon the issue. I guess that could be considered the first disappointment in this post.

The month of April saw my last “real” trip home (next trip will be to attend my daughters high school grad, then right back to work to close-up shop). Though it was a week shorter than normal and packed with pre-programmed activities, I saw a couple of opportunities that may allow for some Michelle time. I again had taken care of my nails and they were looking very nice.  Soon after arriving home, I realized that those opportunities had diminished to maybe one chance closer to the end of my visit (disappointment 1). “Oh well” I thought, “continue on with other things”.

The weather finally smartened-up some and allowed me to get outside and do some spring clean-up. While on a wander around my property with my youngest son, we came across some lumber hiding in some long grass. As I picked up the boards to move then to a safer place, I lost my grip on the wet surface…..*&^%! Two of my long fingernails on my right hand where gone and one was just hanging there (2). Oh well…easy come, easy go. As soon as I got back to the house I trimmed the remaining nails.

It’s become a bit of a tradition for my son’s and I to go on a three “boys fishing trip” at this time of year. Last year when we showed up at the cabins, we were told we were about two weeks too late for the big fish. So this year of course we went two weeks earlier…to find out the due to the late spring snow storm, fast melt and run-off along with rain the previous week, the river was swallen. It was over two feet higher than normal, flowing fast and very cold. The fish were not interested in taking our bait. Not a single nibble (3). But we still had fun canoeing the river and lake, hiking through the woods and playing tennis and basketball on a mostly flooded court…lol.

I also had fun expanding what should have been a simple project. My wife had requested some proper steps (3 treads) down from the deck to the grass, but I got a bit carried away. The project quickly expanded to include leveling the ground and laying a 10’x12’ patio (with 2’x2’ unused blocks) a raised fire pit and leveling the ground around that for seating. Not bad for a couple days work.

Also fun was watching my youngest daughter do what she loves the most …… dance! A five day dance competition in which she was involved in 13 dances. Love watching the passion she has for this art, she never holds back.

There was one final chance I may have had to dress, right before departing, but we had to go visit the bank to sort some stuff out (4). Oh well.

As I have stated before, for me, there is more to life and happiness than crossdressing alone. Yes I was somewhat disappointed that I was not able to get Michelle out of her cardboard box, but, as always, I had fun being with the family, doing regular guy stuff, being a dad.

As summer approaches, as does the end of my overseas employment, the next opportunity to dress will more than likely not be until the fall. Again, too much other fun stuff to do in the meantime.

 

A couple of parting thoughts

Crossdressing, both the act and thought there of, still raise conflicting emotions in me. I had set out with the purpose of this blog to see if I could find an answer to the question “why”, but, like so many others, have not been able to find it. Instead, I have come to understand crossdressing and the role it plays in my life.

I still have a twinge of envy as I read other blogs of those who go out on a regular basis, meet-up with others, go to conventions and other fun outings. I don’t know if I will ever get a chance to do any of these. That silly though of “maybe I should stop” pops up once in a while….lol, right, like that’s going to happen. When I get the chance to dress, it just feels so good, so fun and I want to do it more. I’m disappointed that I don’t get to dress due to another activity, but that soon passes as I get involved with something else. I’m envious of those who look feminine and can “pass” (though maybe I shouldn’t be?) I would love to be hair free, but for family reasons, that occurs rarely.

I don’t yet know what the future holds for this blog. I have enjoyed writing my thoughts down and I hope you have enjoyed reading them. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if you have. Despite having over 2700 visitors in the last seven months ( I know mine is just a little blog), I’ve only had one comment (ok, ok, I`m as guilty as many others are of just reading and not commenting on posts). I would love some constructive criticism. If you don`t want to leave something public, drop me a line at michelledeere140@yahoo.com.au

Some of this was just me rambling (sorry), but as promised, I did eventually get around to some crossdressing issues, right?

 

Have fun with your dressing

Michelle

 

 

Something off topic and a quickie (dressing session that is)

Off Topic

So, as many of you may know if you have read any of my past posts, I am an overseas contract worker. Prior to this, I was in the Canadian military. From the beginning of 2009 until present, coming up on 5 ½ years, I have spent more than 2/3’s of my time away from home (training, exercises, deployment, then my current jobs’ cycle). Away from friends and community. Away from my wife and family. When this job comes to an end, scheduled mid-year, I really just want to stay home and go nowhere for some time.

Last time I was home in February was the first time I experienced the feeling of not belonging. For those of you who have done long military deployments, one of your return home briefings covers re-integration with the family. But this back and forth to work is something else; I’m home for a bit, then gone for a while, pop back home for “a visit”, and then gone again. The kids have grown so much in these past years and I feel bad about missing them. I’m on the other side of the world and unable to help when problems arise (skype only goes so far). And, as I said, this last time I felt I was more of a hindrance than a help.

Granted, I had no major projects to undertake or places to go. The Olympics where on (Hockey Gold X 2…yay!), so spent a lot of time in front of the big-screen TV drinking coffee. There where also a few kids activities to watch, all making for a more relaxed time. I tried to let my wife enjoy some much deserved sleep-ins by getting the two younger kids off to school, but I had a hard time doing things right. I didn’t know what they liked for their lunches anymore or I was helping them too much, or rushing them….sigh. The family has established a “fatherless” routine and I don’t know how to take that.

It was a family decision to take this job (short term pain for long term gain), but I do look forward to a more “normal” future and it may take a while to re-integrate into the household.

 

And now for the Quickie.

Due to some changes in my schedule, time at home and at work has changed a little bit. I was only home for just under three weeks and time was short. I didn’t think there would be any time for Michelle until just days before my departure my wife headed out in the morning to go visit here mom in a nearby town. That would give me until 2 in the afternoon to dress, about 4 hrs.

Since December, I had managed to remain pretty much hair free. I had purchased nail polish at the duty free during the first en-route stop and applied it to my toe nails in my hotel room. So legs and feet where already taken care of. I had also been able to regrow my finger nails and they were ready for polish.

I shaved, had just finished doing my nails and starting to apply makeup, when I got a text from my wife stating that my eldest daughter had a spare period at school and wanted to be picked up at noon. Oh well, sigh, that gave me only about an hour and a half. “I’ve come this far, might as well enjoy what I can”.

I had wanted to try dong some guy/girl side by side photos. I’d already take a few guy pic’s and was now under time constraints to finish. So things got rushed. I didn’t notice that my part in my wig was on the wrong side (I prefer it on the left). I forgot the belt I usually wear with the grey skirt. I didn’t have my glasses handy to review the pictures I was taking…oh well.

There were a couple of pictures that worked. These and a few pictures I found in some long forgotten photo envelops (taken before I got my first digital camera) will be posted on flickr.

So, after a whirlwind photo session (only had time to dress in one outfit), all make-up and nail polish removed, it was off to pick-up my daughter.

Later I trimmed my fingernails to something more manly; felt strange to cut then but needed to be done.

My next “visit” home will also be shorter than usual. It will be full of kids activities to attend and a boys fishing trip; all of which I look forward to. And possibly, an hour or two for Michelle?  We’ll see.

A quickly slapped together side-by-side.

Myself and I

 

 

Two Year Anniversary

Deep thoughts

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been two years since I first sat down at my computer and took that bold step of entering the world of blogging. Two years of continued overseas employment, finding me yet again away from family at this time of your. Two years of expressing myself in writing. Letting things out, lifting a weight off my chest. Being able to share ideas and thoughts with others on this crazy thing (hobby) we call crossdressing. Until this breakthrough, I’d never been able to converse with anybody else with similar interests. Two years of reading others blogs and discovering the diversity of our community. For me, this has been an enlightening experience. I/we are truly “not alone”, despite the isolation (physical location or psychologically) we may find ourselves in.

On a personal level, I seem to have come to be more accepting of myself as a crossdresser. Yes, I would love to be able to dress and go out more often, but, and I’ll state this again, crossdressing is only a small part of my life. There are many other things I love to do and a loving family to do them with. I will take those dressing opportunities as they come and relish every minute I am dressed.

I have often thought, if I had found myself in a different employment situation (which almost happened), that had me living away for the family in a large city that had support groups and a seemingly larger population of crossdressers, would I have been dressing more frequently? I suspect I would have. But how might this have change my approach or thinking of crossdressing? It might have become a regular occurrence. Would it have changed my as a person?

Well, no use dwelling on these questions as it didn’t happen. This is the now. It is what it is.

Recent happenings

Through one of my infrequent internet haunts, CD’ing .com, I can upon some more “local” contacts. Through them I ended up re-starting my FB page and finding a number of girls, including one who is very local. We have attempted to get together a couple of times, but have yet to be successful. Hoping 2014 provides the opportunity to eventually meet her and others.

Prior to my returning home for my latest time off, I had pampered my finger nails, had taken really good care of them again, in hopes of repeating my last successful attempt. ImageThey were looking pretty decent until an impromptu kitchen reno took care of that. Moving cabinets, re-routing power cables took its toll on my nails. Ended up breaking or ripping almost all of them and with no thought towards treating them with care, I found myself reverting back to an old habit of chewing them…ugh. So now, back at work for the next seven weeks, I can again pay them the attention they deserve..lol.

Once the reno was complete (well almost, a few things left to do for next time) there where only a few days left before my departure. The opportunity to dress occurred Friday morning. I asked my wife if I could dress for a few hours, “sure”, so out came “the box of Michelle”, or should that read “out of the box came Michelle”?…lol. Anyway, shortly thereafter my wife left to go shopping and I had the house to myself for those precious few hours.

I haven’t bought any new clothes in years, so it was back to the tried and trusted outfits, but this time with the new dark wig acquired last winter. In hopes of this opportunity, I had shaved my legs and painted my toe nails the previous week, but was starting to wonder if that was as girly as I would get. Fortunately not.Image

From the back of the closet I pulled out the long blue dress my wife had made me many years ago. I wondered if I could still fit into it. It’s been a while and needs some repairing and I know for a fact that I have put on a couple of pounds.Image (At home I’m usually too busy to eat. Breakfast and lunch get in the way of building/fixing things and then supper is of a descent size or something grabbed while going to or returning from some kids activities. At work, one is faced three times a day with a hot food line and servers that understand “a little beacon please” to mean a heaping plateful for a family of three not a family of four. So it takes a lot of self-discipline to not overeat. And of course there is always desert. No, not today!!) Anyway, getting back to the story, yes, I just managed to get into it, but I need to watch what I eat and keep up with the exercise I am able to do here.

All too soon, it was time to put things away. February is the next window of opportunity for Michelle to be dressed, but I’m always somewhere online.

I shall also take this opportunity now to wish all “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”.

Thanks for dropping by.

Michelle