Clothes, expression and thoughts

The following is based upon my experiences and may differ from others I’m sure.

I don’t say “I dress as a woman” as that implies it’s about the cloths. I don’t “present as a woman” as that makes it sound like a show. I “express myself” and clothing is only one way of doing that. I don’t use the term “pass as a woman” as that to me implies there is a standard to be met or exceeded in order to be perceived as a woman. “Blending” is my preferred term.

It’s been just over a year since I embraced the notion of being bigender and since then I’ve come to fully embrace who I am. In recent months, I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to express and be accepted as my female self at work. It has been very enlightening.

I’ve stated in the past, that after examining my life, there has always been these two genders resident within me. One thing that reinforces the idea that I’m not just a cross dresser and that it’s not about the clothes, is the fact that for the last couple of weeks I’ve either worn a flight suit or combats during my work day. Neither is feminine, in fact very gender neutral. They have not though made me feel any less feminine in my expression. Sure I don a wig and makeup, use forms and tuck (my new bra is so comfortable I forget I’m wearing one), but all that just melts away moments after getting ready. I don’t spend time gazing at myself in the mirror but just go about my day as I would if I was expressing male. I’m me, just happen to be a woman.

I don’t know how long this “double gender living”, male expression at home, female, sometimes male at work, will last. I’m comfortable with it. This past Thursday, after have expressed female for the past 8 working days, I didn’t“feel” like it and just stayed male, with no second thoughts about it.

Next week I’m on course (Unit Harassment Advisor) dress is civvies. I plan on expressing female for all but the last day, for both personal reasons (wife is picking me up after class) and as a chance to educate others on bigender matters.

While the ruffles and lace, silk and nylons may be all nice, they are not something I lust for or dream of wearing on the weekend or whenever. It’s so not just about the clothes. Clothing is part of my expression, weather that be male or female and makes me happy to be me.

“Enjoy who you are, however you can”

Michelle

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