2016 So Far


I know its been quite a while since my last entry, but its been a interesting first half to the year.

Life in general has been busy. After starting one job, basically to fill my time, I eventually started my reserve force contract. Many new regulations and procedures to learn, along with numerous refreshers, but its good to be back working with many past co-workers.

February did present dressing opportunities. Nothing spectacular, just the regular jaunt through the closet, some pics etc. The nice weather (unlike last year) did present the opportunity for some outdoor photos.

I have mentioned in the past that I now do almost all of my dressing while my wife is out of the house, as I’m still struggling with the strange feeling of embarrassment dressing in front of her. So, it was with much anticipation I looked forward to my youngest daughters dance competition season, with one competition taking her and my wife to a city some distance away. That would be the Canadian May long weekend (actually Thursday to Sunday evening). Now my four kids know and don’t mind me dressing, but not my eldest daughter’s boyfriend, who, after both finished the university year in April, would be staying with us for the summer. This would definitely restrict my dressing during this time.. So it was great to hear that they both would be going with my wife and #4 for those four days. I had to work on the Thursday and Friday but would still have the rest of the weekend with only the two boys at home.

Thursday evening I used to ensure things would be ready so as not to waist any time when I got home on Friday. Wigs combed out, laundry done etc. As it was Friday of a long weekend (Monday Holiday) I left work just after lunch (as did most everyone else) and headed straight for the tub and shaved…the weekend had begun!

And what a weekend it was; Friday afternoon until late Sunday evening, all spent enfem. As I alluded to in the title, I was able to experience a number of firsts. Though the weather had been nice, our pool was not yet very warm, but that didn’t stop me from having my first full enfem swim. Something else I had always wanted to do was go on a bike ride. Saturday morning I set out with my wife’s old bike, but 15 mins into the ride, something wasn’t quite right with the front wheel. so I returned home hoping I didn’t get a flat tire. I changed over to my daughters bike and set off once more. An hour and a half later I completed my first ever enfem ride, down open country roads, through the nearest subdivision and home again.WOW, what a feeling. Along the way, numerous people in their front yards had seen me, and ignored me (lol), a couple of guys in trucks had craned their necks to get a better look (giggle) and I passed a number of other women (going in the opposite direction) who were jogging/walking, all of whom I had exchanged “good day”s and “Hi”s with. And not a single strange look.

Sunday afternoon I had been invited out for a late lunch by my very good GG friend Elizabeth (wife of Rachael) who I’ve mentioned before. I pointed out to them that it was our one year anniversary since we first met in person. We settled on a fairly  local, small but popular diner, which wouldn’t be that busy in the afternoon. I decided to dress casual; leggings and zipper hoodie. When leaving the house, my ever so slight angst quickly disappeared and replaced by excitement. Even as I rounded a corner and encountered an RCMP check stop, I didn’t feel any panic, just “oh shit. Well….lets see what happens.” Side note: the car I was driving has an over due safety inspection. This is something the police where checking. So this is how the spot went: “do you have your drivers licence?” “yes I do but it’s a bit different from the way I look right now”, hand him my licence. “Where are you off to?” me with a limp wrist single finger waving point down the side road “to the Farmers Diner”. He hands me back my licence and says “have a good afternoon and drive safe”, me “thank you very much”. As I drive off I can see in my mirror the two officers come together still watching after me. I wonder what they where talking about? hehe. Was it my cleavage or batting eyes that distracted him from checking the safety sticker?

Lunch and the conversation where great. I put on my best womanly act, I’ve never taken that long to eat a bowl of soup while the other two ate their meals. The staff where very nice…””ready to order ladies?”, “how is everything ladies?”, “desert for you ladies?” When it can time to leave, we had to walk right past a large family seated in the middle of the diner next to the exit. Elizabeth was last out and said nobody took a second look at us, nobody noticed or cared! Another first.

A few weeks earlier I had worried that I may loose this opportunity as my wife had discussed sending #4 with someone else. So, as a back-up plan I had thought I might use the upcoming annual boys fishing trip as an alternate. Well I didn’t need it for that, but after ensuring it would be okay with the boys, I did pack an “alternate” bag along with all the regular fishing gear and guy clothes.

We had reserved a cabin for two nights, Saturday and Sunday, which would give us the better part of three days. At check-in I was told that we would be the only guests around Sunday night and Monday (other than the on-site cleaning staff) and we could use the canoe and cabin for as long as we needed on Monday! Saturday and Sunday morning where spent doing guy stuff, fishing, canoeing, more fishing, but come Sunday afternoon, presto-chango! I was able to do many enfem first time things; canoe, go for a hike on the woodland trails, fishing (no lady luck) and a spot of tennis. I thank my boys for allowing me this awesome opportunity, #3 even took some of the pictures.

In the past month, I’ve had the chance to meet another local CD! They had actually found me out through my blog. They wish to remain anonymous, but as we all know, just to be able to talk to another is such a great relief. We sat in a local park enjoying the beautiful weather and a coffee and chatted for almost two hours. A couple of guys talking work, families, etc, along with issues associated with being a CD’er. It is actually because of this new friendship I am about to take another first step, I will be talking to my base doctor for a referral to the counselor (to discuss “things”) that this new friend also visits.

I’m also going to try and remain clean shaven all year. I’ve already been out in shorts in guy mode to the store, chaired a meeting, hung around the house and nobody has said anything…even my wife has been silent. I just love the feeling and can’t imagine having hairy arms or legs ever again.

I’m at that point in my life (both age and mindset) where I say “who gives a damn what other people think” and as our Prime Minister has said “It’s 2016!”




  1. Amanda Marks

    All sorts of adventures! Great you’re getting out there and are comfortable doing it! So happy for you!

  2. L

    Hi Michelle
    I’ve stumbled upon your blog and really enjoyed reading your posts. They narrate many feelings and experiences that I have had. I believe that I am in a similar position to you and have been searching for support groups in and around Halifax without success.
    My female self has confidence issues, but knowing that there are others like me who are comfortable meeting and sharing news and experiences in male mode is something I have been looking for, for a long time.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences, it is comforting to know that NS has others like me.

    • Hi L. If you would like to chat sometime, swing on over to my FB page Michelle Deere and PM me. Yes, we are out there!

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