I talked to the kids
The following is a compilation of something I posted elsewhere on the web, but thought I’d still include it on my blog for records sake.
With reference to my latest self-revelation and new found acceptance that I am a crossdresser and therefore indeed transgender, I had decided it was time to have a talk to the family.
Having recently returned home for some time off from my overseas employment, and with my pending birthday approaching, I decided the time was right to talk to my four kids (18 girl, 17 boy, 14 boy, 13 girl) individually. I still have to talk to my wife as I really don’t know she feels anymore about my hobby. I had a very similar talk with all four kids allowing them to ask any questions they had. Anyway, #2 was the first I approached while driving around town. Background info, #1 and #2 had accidently found out about Michelle about 6 years ago, when my wife and #’s 3 and 4 where out of town, they had had a movie night and I thought they were asleep. I was about 130am and they “found me”.
#2 remembered the incident but had no problem with it, thought the pics I showed him looked good. Next was #3, then #1 and finally #4. I knew my youngest would not have a problem as for the last few years she has had a male dance instructor who just happens to be gay, so she has had some exposure to those with a slightly different take on life.
The biggest surprise response I got from the conversations was from both #3 and 4, “you have a blog?!” That apparently was a bigger surprise to them than the fact I liked to wear women’s clothes..lol.
#1 had sat listening intently, eventually revealing at the end of my speech, after I asked her if she had any questions, she says “I actually have a friend (at university) who is transgender (MtF). Wow! I was surprised and happy for my daughter, the fact she has the opportunity to have such a diverse group of friends.
All four have seen a few pic of me dressed that I had on my iPod. All of them had no apparent problem with it. “To each their own” was the general consensus. I feel so much better not having to hide this part of me from them. No more worries of one of them accidentally finding something of “mine”. They don’t think any less of me as a dad or a man. I love them as much as they love me. I guess my wife and I must have raised them correctly. Now for that talk with my wife…….
And now, the rest of the story.
So shortly after having posted “I talked to the kids”, I experienced an emotional crash, coming down off that personal “high” of self-acceptance. I began to doubt weather I had done the right thing, even before reading the dire warnings from others that I was probably wrong not to have talked to my wife first. Oh how right they were.
It had been a little over a week since I had talked with the last of the kids and I really wanted to dress before heading back overseas. I asked my wife if it was ok and her response was “you know you don’t have to ask”, to which I responded that I felt I should and that I still felt somewhat embarrassed to do it in front of her. I also said that I wanted to talk to her about my dressing and she responded “these nothing really to talk about”.
I got dressed in a grey skirt and burgundy/black jacket and sat down at the kitchen table, again stating I wanted to talk to her. With reference to the being embarrassed in front of her, my wife stated something along the lines that that was something I had to come to terms with and accept and that she didn’t really get the whole dressing as a woman thing, but whatever. This led directly into me telling her that over the last three years, during my spare time overseas, I had done a lot of reading online about crossdressers and crossdressing and that I had established a presence on the web, even writing a blog and that I had come to understand myself better. But not to worry, nothing had actually changed with me (with this she agreed). All this time or course, the fact I had told the kids without first discussing it with her, was gnawing away inside me. I just had to let it spill out “the kids know”. “What! They don’t? Do they?”, “Yes”, “without talking to me about it? I thought we had an understanding we would not tell them, at least not yet?!” I felt absolutely horrible. I had betrayed her trust. Her fear was that we shouldn’t burden them with such a “secret”, that the youngest might let something slip, how would the boys take it. I told her all four kids where understanding and related their responses to my talk with them. I felt like crap. I retreated to the bathroom, undressed, showered and cried.
I didn’t come back downstairs for almost 45 mins. My wife was still pissed but said that she had expected something like this to eventually happen, just not now, not yet. I apologized profusely and told her I was wrong to have done it. I asked her if she wanted to talk to the kids, no she did not (but over the next couple of days I did reaffirm with them, their feelings and the sensitivity of the subject and that it wasn’t something we normally talk about with others, that their mother know and had been very pissed off with me).
The frost hung heavy in the house that day, but a thaw had occurred by the next morning and what is done, is done.
Lesson learned and hopefully passed on to anyone else in this situation.
The next time I dress (probably January now), I’ll still say something like “I’m off to get changed”, just to give her a heads-up and see how that goes.