Passing thoughts and observations for March
Question.
I hope nobody takes this the wrong way, but I have come to realize I may be different than may other cd’ers who have a presence on the web. Through the three sites I have a presence on; here, Flickr and Crossdressers.com, I have noticed that a great number of the members express their feminine persona more freely, more frequently and contribute more often. Is there a correlation between their freedom to dress or frequency of crossdressing and internet activity?
I don’t know if I’ve expressed myself clearly enough but I hope you get what I am asking.
I enjoy reading all the posts and stories from others, but still feel like a bit of an outsider whenever I wish to contribute something.
Who is writing these posts?
Although I may have mentioned this before, it’s still worth repeat; I’m a straight male, happy to be such and enjoy life as a dad and husband. I’m in guy mode, oh, about 99% of the year (if not more), and that includes when I am writing this blog or contributing elsewhere on the internet. I agree that this crossdressing thing (curse, blessing, gift, hobby, whatever you what to call it) is a part of who we are. Just that some utilize or express their feminine attributes more often and more easily than others. I personally don’t have an “enfem” writing style; “Michelle” doesn’t type any of these posts. This is just plain old male me here.
Femininus (degree of femininity)
I cannot ever recall being told I was doing something feminine like sitting, walking or in the way I expressed myself. In fact, my wife often “accuses” me of being a “typical male” in the way I think or react to things. I am not a girly guy (love digging in the garden, bashing 2 by 4’s and 2 by 6’s together) and I think that even shows in my chose of theme for this blog. No flowery or whimsical background, quite simple, plain blue, it was the first one I liked as I searched through the options.
I cannot bring myself to type things like; hugs, kisses, dear, darling etc. when replying to comments. It just doesn’t fit my mind set.
There is quite a distinctive separation between “me” crossacting as Michelle and “me” the guy. Did I just hear a collective gasp? “I thought you said this was part of you?” you ask. It is, it just doesn’t manifest itself during my normal daily routine. If you have read my other posts, you may have noticed I often refer to my girl self (Michelle) in the third person, though personal experiences are narrated in the first, as it was indeed me, that was there. For the majority of the time, I walk, talk, act like the guy I am, but flip that switch every once in a while and that tiny percentage of women in my (Michelle) can take over; she’ll walk, talk and act like the woman she is (makes me sound like Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde…lol).
Labelling
Do I have to call myself a crossdresser?
Even if we lived in a truly free world that accepted crossdressing, I still don’t believe this is one of the first things you would ever say about yourself.
“Hi, my name is ____ and I’m a crossdresser. I’m as a(profession), I’m interested in ____ and enjoy____”etc. Not the type of introduction I would give myself if an intro was required.
How about; “Hi, my name is ___. I’m a (profession). I am interested in aviation and transport and enjoy time with my family. My hobbies include gardening, model trains and aircraft kits. I also occasionally enjoy dressing and acting as a woman.” That’s more along the lines of what I would say.
Or I could describe myself as a guy (I may have mentioned that already) who sometimes likes to wear the clothes of the opposite sex (crossdress). While crossdressed in these clothes, I like to portray the image of a woman by adding make-up, hair and female mannerisms (crossact). While crossacting, I am expressing or displaying characteristics of the opposite gender to which I was born (transgender). How’s that for a long winded description using multiple labels?
Anyway, these were just some of my musings for the month of March.
Michelle.
Ok, ok. I know what I just wrote, that my girl and guy selves are separate and that it is guy me that writes these posts, so why did I sign Michelle? Because I like to have a moniker, but I’m not going to use my real name…that’s why.
- Posted in: Odds and Sods
- Tagged: CD/TV, crossact, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, gender expression, transgender
themichelleinme 
Yes, yes, YES! The more I seek out crossdressing blogs and support groups online, the more I feel alone in the world because I don’t share any of their interests. *all* I do that puts me in the crossdresser world is wear soft dresses and skirts and nightgowns, which (like any guy) I wad up and throw on the floor until I do laundry, then pile them all in together with my jeans and t-shirts in the wash, and leave rumpled in the laundry basket for a week before I remember to put them away. I actually find myself getting uncomfortable when I read page after page of posts about “I had to build another room onto my house to hold my panty collection” and “I’m learning how to modify my voice so I can pick up guys in a bar and they’ll believe I’m really a woman” or even “I’m my wife’s best girlfriend”. Not, as I always remind myself, that there’s anything wrong with that… but if that’s what being a crossdresser means, it’s just not me. Why can’t we like the clothes and still be men?
A while back I got into a discussion with some crossdressers and they actually mocked me for not wanting to shave and wear makeup/wigs/etc. because they felt I looked like “a circus freak” — their exact words. Do unshaven men look like circus freaks in jeans and t-shirts? If not, then why are they any less men or more freakish for wearing a nice dress?
Hope you don’t mind Ralph, but your response made me chuckle. 🙂
I think this just reinforces my thoughts on one of my original posts (X,Y. Chart axis, not Chromosomes). Although we are all “crossdressers” by virtue of wearing the clothes of the opposite sex, there is no one example or definition that can cover the vast spectrum that is crossdressing.
To each, his own!
M.
I’d be offended if you didn’t get a chuckle! My view on life, and my own self-awareness of my place in it, are a little more whimsical than you find in most people.
Michelle,
I’ve met and worked with dozens of crossdressers and transsexuals. I definitely agree there’s a huge range of identities and attitudes in crossdressing, anywhere from fetish to bigender to transsexual. Thank you for pointing this out in this forum.
To being fabulous!
Elizabeth
Hi Michelle,
I think we are all different, but we have a common bond. You and I we have strong similarities, but we are different. Well why should we be the same? I’m a guy, relate as a guy, but have always held back from being a ‘man’s man’, telling raunchy jokes on frequent visits to pubs, being loud and zuber confident. Ok, I’ve been happy enough doing many of the men’s jobs, I do like sports but I like to think I do ‘relate’ and am more sensitive to man and especially women kind. When I dress, which these days seems mostly at home with my wife, we have a nice quiet, relatively normal time. I think I am more feminine all round, though I’ve never really attempted anything with the voice, but otherwise I think I carry myself well. These days I tend to think of it as a hobby, just one I can’t talk about to everyone. Thankfully, (/ we) do have friends out there and it is good to meet up once in a while. I do use hugs and kisses, but it is only me saying best regards.
Hugs TinaCortina x
You are right Tina, what a boring world this would be if we were all the same.
That old saying still holds true “variety is the spice of life” .
M.
Sorry to come late to this post. Interesting points expressed. Some of what you post rings absolutely true for me. My real name would do quite well as a girl’s name too, and even if not, I would be quite happy to be called by it when dressed (but like you, it makes a handy alias on the Net). I am not somebody else when dressed. Vivienne is me. When dressed, I am the same person as when not. I like the same things, have the same proclivities, and the same behaviours. As a man, I don’t write “hugs and kisses”, and as Vivienne I don’t either. The person who writes my blog is me (sometimes dressed, sometimes not).
One of the things I struggle with as a crossdresser is a tremendous dislike of something pretending to be something it isn’t. How can I reconcile that with pretending to be a woman? Well, I am not. I am not pretending to be anything other than a man in women’s clothing. I do like to make the best job of it possible, but I am not like the “rubbish transvestite” in “Little Britain”, who always insists he is a “laydee”. I am not! But I can be a fun and interesting person, nevertheless!
I don’t see crossdressing as a manifestation of inner femininity, but of masculinity. I guess that is pretty hard to accept; the reasons why are discussed on my blog. So most crossdressers are men who have no trouble doing manly things. I also subscribe to the modern idea that “man” and “woman” are not at opposite ends of a single line; in other words, one can be both masculine and feminine at the same time. I have had various personality tests which suggest that this is true for me: I express quite a lot of both sides.
Crossdressing doesn’t define me, but it is an unchangeable part of me. A question I often ask myself is: if I were free to dress absolutely without stigma or opposition, would I dress _more_ (because I want to), or _less_ (because it’s less stimulating to do it when it isn’t “forbidden”)? I still don’t know the answer.
My own blog is about getting in contact with other crossdressers who share a similar perspective. To that end, it’s been really helpful.
Vivienne.
That is what makes us all unique. We share a common interest but we all have differences in the way we live, think and what we like. I try to dress twice a week and go out so I can express my feminine side and yes almost all my blogs are written by Susan but that is me and what is right for the person I am. The key is to be happy with who you are and not try to fit into what someone else thinks. Crossdressing for me is a part of who I am. It defines and shapes my personality but it is not all that I am.
I am the latest to this post as it was linked to another post which was linked to one of my posts. I find the post very interesting but the discussion that it sparked is also interesting. The linking of posts to my post is how I gave up separating the two and all the rest. Interesting that Ralph and Vivian also commented on that post. There are more us out there that feel this way as while I was writing that post I felt very alone. Vive le dudes who just happen to also like wearing women’s clothes and perhaps acting like them on occasion but if not are ok with that also.