Confliction and doubts.
Well, I have once again returned to my overseas place of employment after spending a busy (as usual) time at home with the family. No major project this time, just Thanksgiving (Canada ah), time spent volunteering at the local rink and high school hockey tournament, getting the house and vehicles ready for the inevitable east coast winter and then with only a couple of days before departing, the opportunity to dress for a few hours.
It’s been nine months since make-up touched my face, or girl clothes graced my body. I knew at my last session that it would be a while, what with all the family activates and construction project to be completed during the spring and summer, so I did not miss dressing.
This brings me to late October. I have in the past looked at the calendar of events scheduled during my home time and planned (sometimes just wishful thinking) when I could squeeze in a few hours of Michelle time. This time, the calendar was pretty full except for the Thursday morning before my weekend departure.
As an aside, I know this is something I have to sit down and talk to my wife about, but over the last number of years (since the kids arrived) she has not been around much when I dress, either by her choice or mine. She has “inadvertently” see me at the end of a session as I head to the shower to get cleaned up, but I really don’t know how she feels anymore about this part of me.
Anyway, she had nothing on the calendar that day which lead to a bit of a dilemma for me as most of my dressing is done after she leave the house. I was planning to ask her after the kids left for school, but I found I had very conflicting feelings about whether to go ahead with it or not…”do I really need to do this? I could use this time to finish some of those last minute jobs. But I kind of really want to, it’s been so long. But maybe I could wait ‘til next time?”. There was a level of guilt I was feeling about asking to do this ‘selfish’ deed.
“ok, kids are all gone, going to ask now……after I finish breakfast……now…..no, unload dishwasher first….now is good…..have another coffee first…..man, I got to do this soon or the morning will be gone”.
I very sheepishly walked up behind her as she checked her email and FB, rubbed her shoulders and asked….”would it be ok if I had some alternate me time?” “ Yeh, that’s ok, I have to go out a get a few things . I was relieved but still felt somewhat guilty about doing it.
I was able to shave and put on makeup before she left the house. Nine months, boy am I out of practice with makeup that and eyes that now require glasses for seeing things up close, made for an interesting time. I was also trying for a more subdued daytime look, not necessarily one that looks so good in pictures. Also shorter hair and more age appropriate clothing. As my time was limited, a number of quick changes were conducted with the obligatory pictures taken, only a few of which were any good.
Finally, changed into my comfy leggings and a sweatshirt and did some cleaning (litter boxes) before my wife walked in the door (dog was asleep and provided no warning that anybody was in the driveway). I finished what I was doing, asked what she thought of the shorter hair, “it’s ok”, then headed to get changed (and clean the shower at the same time).
It was a bit of a strange morning, despite wanting to dress really badly a number of weeks earlier, when the opportunity came, it almost felt like I wouldn’t couldn’t shouldn’t or dare I say didn’t need to. Is the desire waning? Once I got dressed I enjoyed the experience but ………..
- Posted in: The Early Years