Guilt and re-self acceptance.
Over the last week I have been faced with a number of varied feelings towards my crossdressing.
As I started this blog, I was ecstatic that I had found the courage to do such a thing. Almost all of my life I have been a quiet, reserved individual (shy would also cover it). Putting my pictures on Flickr was a giant step for me. One that I was initially very nerves about doing, but now have become very comfortable with.
About a week ago, whilst reading other blogs on the subject of crossdressing, I had this sudden wave of guilt flow over me. I have no idea what might have brought it on, but I suddenly felt that during those times that I have spent dressing, I should maybe have been doing something else. There is always home improvement projects and gardens that require my attention, so why am I “wasting” my time doing this? Also the guilt of spending money on girl stuff (though I haven’t bought any Michelle cloths in some time). There is also the fact that this is something that I am keeping from the kids. This feeling lasted about a day or so until I started to examine it and thinking of other things guys do to remove themselves from the daily routine for a few hours at a time (weekly, monthly, whatever the frequency).
Then this funny example crossed my mind.
Child to mom “What does daddy do when he locks himself in the room downstairs for a few hours every weekend?” Mom, “well daddy likes to do some things that he doesn’t want use to see”. “Like what?” “Well, it’s something that other people might laugh at him about and something that they don’t understand” “Why?” “Well. It’s just not something that every man does, but there are groups and stores that sell things to men like daddy”. Child getting a little impatient “What is it, what?” Mom giving in, “you have to promise not to tell anybody ok? Daddy plays with toy trains”.
How many men take time away for their families to; go to a wood working shop, into the garage to work on an antique car, head out with the boys for a few drinks, etc etc? So what is wrong with some time spent dressing? Nothing. That is the conclusion that I came to after a long hard think about it. By the way, I don’t do any of the above. I spend my time at home, with the family and only dress when the kids are out of the house. Well, fully dressed, but that’s another story.
The other thought that crossed my mind this week (briefly) was in the same vain. Why don’t I just give it up? Like that’s going to happen! As we know, this is not something that we simply can abandon. It is part of us, part of me. This is who I am. I’m a normal guy, with a fantastic wife, great kids, enjoying myself as a father and husband, partaking in all my kids activities, home handyman, gardener, and oh yes, I’m a crossdresser. I accept myself for who I am. 🙂